Withered

A bouquet of flowers,
on that antique table,
which I like so much,
its beautiful - thank you.

That bouquet of flowers,
had been there for two days,
but where are you?
You said you would come over,
Its alright,
you might be busy.

The bouquet of flowers,
had been there for five days,
and its pungent smell stared to reek,
the room began to be filled with its poisonous cologne,
but still you didn't come and fill the room with yours.

The bouquet of flowers,
had been there for eight days,
its crimson glory began to fade,
its colour began to bleed out,
and its ugly greyness started to take over.

Our crimson passion had began to wither,
where is the high that we used to experience?
our love that was filled with laughter and euphoria,
so much so that I couldn't breathe,
'cause I was lost in you scent,
those were the days that filled me with happiness.

The bouquet of flowers,
had been there for ten days,
it had lost its youthfulness,
withered and shrunken,
an eye sore among all these beauties.

There were no longer sweet words -
from your sweet and tempting mouth,
there were no showing of affection,
no more holding hands in the cold nights,
not even a glance to see whether that spark was still there.

We both lost what was magical
and felt sad - or was is just me?
we're like those bouquet,
beautiful at one point
but because of neglect,
it died and turned to dust,
I did not cry but this feeling is heavy,
are feeling the same way as I?
Where should I go now? - disappear I suppose.

The bouquet of flowers,
is no longer there,
on that antique table,
I threw them away,
'cause I could not bear with the smell and sight.

Like the way I could not handle your stench,
I didn't say goodbye,
neither did you,
I let out a cool breath,
a breath of relief,
and looked at the empty room,
everything is gone,
and its time for me to go,
Goodbye my once sweet flower.

Please Don't Fade

I walked my way to you,
you turned to me,
but I could not reach you like I did before,
please don't fade,
and stay with me.

It was like a dream,
a field of white lilies,
such a beautiful sight,
filled with purity,
I felt safe and pretty,
so innocent.

In that field,
I heard the sound of violin,
playing its melody of sorrow and joy,
my mind is nothing but blankness,
only the sound of that violin in my head,
where are you?
when I'm lonely,
where are you?
when I'm fading,
Where are you?
when I'm needing,
Where are you?
when I'm falling,
I'm sorry for asking you.

Please don't fade away
because of my selfishness,
tears please don't fall,
'cause I don't like them,
for that person will fade.

I don't want this empty room,
please don't go,
where are you?
If you can hear me,
whisper a lullaby to me,
'cause that soothed my being,
and I want to remember you.

Whenever I call out your name,
I suddenly became dumb,
is this my fate to loose you?
please don't fade away,
I'm in need of you,
the nameless stranger that I don't recognize.

I remembered it used to be fun,
I laughed with you,
I cried with you,
I shared with you,
but I grew up,
then you started to fade.

Please stay,
for I can't handle myself,
if you go,
I could never recall what was happy,
please don't fade away,
please stay...

I'm Happy

I’m here waiting for you,

Where are you now?

Why people keep distancing themselves from me?

Am I a disease?

Am I disabled?

Am I disgusting?

Am I bad?

Am I not good enough?

I was being pushed and pulled,

I stumbled and fell –

On the hard concrete floor,

Bruises and scars here and there,

I know I’m not good enough and –

I’m not righteous like you,

I know I’m not you,

But why do I want more?

I’m lonely,

So I reached to the sky,

And attained the unattainable,

Tears were falling down the slopes of my cheek,

For I was no one,

And I did not have anyone.

That day I saw a shining star,

Yet it was a starless night,

I’m like that lone star,

One by one those around me will dispersed and be gone,

And left one pitiful loner.

I reached into the sky,

To feel the infinite,

And purged all the unwanted,

If you think I’m sick then go,

If you think I’ve contaminated you –

Bleach yourself,

If you think I’m useless then –

Don’t pick me at the first place,

To spare myself the pain.

Maybe it’s alright,

To have little bit a pain,

To have some isolation,

To have some peace of mind,

And then I can slowly drift on the calming river –

and be free to go wherever I’m happy.

Again, again, again

Again, again, and again,

She saw them walking in a distance,

It was close then,

But we are no longer on the same lane,

This happened before and it’s nothing new,

Different people but same happenings.

She was there among the crowd,

She was with them,

She was talking with them,

She was laughing with them,

She was gossiping with them,

She was only among them,

She was, she was, she was…

A girl among her acquaintances,

No I didn’t make a mistake,

Acquaintances no more no less,

She was nothing to them but a pest,

As she was with so many before,

A simple yet deep girl,

With no one to lean on.

No one would make the first move to call her,

No one to confide their secrets because of her over-concerning,

No one to really look at her,

No one to really see her but most of all,

No one to really understand her.

Again, again, again,

She was left behind,

An alien among her kind,

They somehow would walk away from her,

Slowly and gradually,

Then disappear,

Out of sight, out of mind,

Then…

It was all the same thing,

From acquaintances to friends to –

acquaintances to strangers.

Again, again, again….

ME

It was dark,
I can't see anything,
where am I?
Am I here?
Am I there?

Slowly the curtains raise up,
there was a slight pain,
but I'm alright,
my mirror was adjusting to the light,
left, right, top and bottom,
everything was fine.

I looked out,
it was the usual day,
vehicle of various sorts passing by,
schoolboys walking side by side
chattering about nothing,
the old man with his bicycle,
the green truck that exude the early morning stench,
the signs of a new day.

The pavement was unusually moist,
the pond was unusually packed with life,
the darling buds had already bloom to beauties,
the kois were unusually active,
and the people around the area were unusually happy.

Was there a sense of euphoria occur?
had I miss it?
Where is it?
I can't find it!
I want it!
and yet I want to want it.

I don't make sense, am I?
I never did,
I never will,
and I never could.

This is me,
the extension of my abstractness,
whatever I draw out,
is me,
nothing more nothing less.