Please Don't Fade

I walked my way to you,
you turned to me,
but I could not reach you like I did before,
please don't fade,
and stay with me.

It was like a dream,
a field of white lilies,
such a beautiful sight,
filled with purity,
I felt safe and pretty,
so innocent.

In that field,
I heard the sound of violin,
playing its melody of sorrow and joy,
my mind is nothing but blankness,
only the sound of that violin in my head,
where are you?
when I'm lonely,
where are you?
when I'm fading,
Where are you?
when I'm needing,
Where are you?
when I'm falling,
I'm sorry for asking you.

Please don't fade away
because of my selfishness,
tears please don't fall,
'cause I don't like them,
for that person will fade.

I don't want this empty room,
please don't go,
where are you?
If you can hear me,
whisper a lullaby to me,
'cause that soothed my being,
and I want to remember you.

Whenever I call out your name,
I suddenly became dumb,
is this my fate to loose you?
please don't fade away,
I'm in need of you,
the nameless stranger that I don't recognize.

I remembered it used to be fun,
I laughed with you,
I cried with you,
I shared with you,
but I grew up,
then you started to fade.

Please stay,
for I can't handle myself,
if you go,
I could never recall what was happy,
please don't fade away,
please stay...

I'm Happy

I’m here waiting for you,

Where are you now?

Why people keep distancing themselves from me?

Am I a disease?

Am I disabled?

Am I disgusting?

Am I bad?

Am I not good enough?

I was being pushed and pulled,

I stumbled and fell –

On the hard concrete floor,

Bruises and scars here and there,

I know I’m not good enough and –

I’m not righteous like you,

I know I’m not you,

But why do I want more?

I’m lonely,

So I reached to the sky,

And attained the unattainable,

Tears were falling down the slopes of my cheek,

For I was no one,

And I did not have anyone.

That day I saw a shining star,

Yet it was a starless night,

I’m like that lone star,

One by one those around me will dispersed and be gone,

And left one pitiful loner.

I reached into the sky,

To feel the infinite,

And purged all the unwanted,

If you think I’m sick then go,

If you think I’ve contaminated you –

Bleach yourself,

If you think I’m useless then –

Don’t pick me at the first place,

To spare myself the pain.

Maybe it’s alright,

To have little bit a pain,

To have some isolation,

To have some peace of mind,

And then I can slowly drift on the calming river –

and be free to go wherever I’m happy.

Again, again, again

Again, again, and again,

She saw them walking in a distance,

It was close then,

But we are no longer on the same lane,

This happened before and it’s nothing new,

Different people but same happenings.

She was there among the crowd,

She was with them,

She was talking with them,

She was laughing with them,

She was gossiping with them,

She was only among them,

She was, she was, she was…

A girl among her acquaintances,

No I didn’t make a mistake,

Acquaintances no more no less,

She was nothing to them but a pest,

As she was with so many before,

A simple yet deep girl,

With no one to lean on.

No one would make the first move to call her,

No one to confide their secrets because of her over-concerning,

No one to really look at her,

No one to really see her but most of all,

No one to really understand her.

Again, again, again,

She was left behind,

An alien among her kind,

They somehow would walk away from her,

Slowly and gradually,

Then disappear,

Out of sight, out of mind,

Then…

It was all the same thing,

From acquaintances to friends to –

acquaintances to strangers.

Again, again, again….

ME

It was dark,
I can't see anything,
where am I?
Am I here?
Am I there?

Slowly the curtains raise up,
there was a slight pain,
but I'm alright,
my mirror was adjusting to the light,
left, right, top and bottom,
everything was fine.

I looked out,
it was the usual day,
vehicle of various sorts passing by,
schoolboys walking side by side
chattering about nothing,
the old man with his bicycle,
the green truck that exude the early morning stench,
the signs of a new day.

The pavement was unusually moist,
the pond was unusually packed with life,
the darling buds had already bloom to beauties,
the kois were unusually active,
and the people around the area were unusually happy.

Was there a sense of euphoria occur?
had I miss it?
Where is it?
I can't find it!
I want it!
and yet I want to want it.

I don't make sense, am I?
I never did,
I never will,
and I never could.

This is me,
the extension of my abstractness,
whatever I draw out,
is me,
nothing more nothing less.

Time and Time Again

Time and time again,
I failed to find my happiness,
every time I see him,
his eyes shone so brightly,
and yet that starlight is not mine.

I feel this from time and time again,
it is always the same,
nothing changes,
its like this time and time again,
I look but I can't touch,
can't feel.

I want to know how a heart beats so fast
for a person,
I want to have that goofy smile on my face,
I want to see and feel happiness,
I want to be near him,
is that too hard to ask?!

All I can do is sit and wait,
and look as the clouds past me by,
I look up to the heaven,
and see two birds fly by,
as I look longer,
they still stay together,
I wonder,
will I one day find the one?

Time and time again,
I wonder,
sitting on that same old rock by the sea,
wishing and waiting,
as I look at the sky,
maybe he is out there somewhere,
only God knows what life has in store for me,
as I sit here praying -
God please be with me,
as I continue to walk in my pursuit of happiness.

GLASS

I am like glass,
easy to see through,
so easily missed,
so fine yet so tranparent,
so easily break,
so fragile.

Those pieces are scattered,
every piece is my reflection,
my pieces of me,
little by little I pick,
suddenly I see red,
how beautiful it is.

Red like my heart,
that glass is tainted,
bits of flest stuck on it,
each drop is my testimony,
each is my blood.

These pieces are pretty under the light,
they have their sparkle as well,
yet I see them fading,
to nothing.

My heart of glass,
so weak and fragile,
don't come close,
I''m afraid I would shatter and break,
if I do i can't piece myself,
I can't touch such sharp edges,
I am scared to shatter.

I am like glass,
please don't come near,
stay away,
far away as you can,
I think I will go now,
and keep my heart of glass,
lock and key,
so don't come near and farewell.

Scars

I'm covered in scars,
each has its significance,
each has a meaning,
each is embedded in me,
each of them are from battles that I fought.

Some still oozes with red,
some are healing,
some have dried,
like a flower in the garden-
sitting in their respective chamber, waiting.

I can see them on my skin,
what a beauty they are,
yet what a bother,
they can be a sight to behold,
yet they are a disgust,
they are my achievements,
yet they are my failures,
their existence is hard to distinguish.

To numb them,
anesthesia is a must,
oh, how many bottles lying around,
how many I have thrown away,
the pungent smell of it,
gave a relief,
blood does not flow out,
oh, what a relief.

Yet, it is not enough,
they appear again, everyday,
it is like a process,
a cut-
bleed-
and then dry.

The healing of my scars,
such a wonderful feeling,
relief and coolness touched my skin,
my epidermis closing on the wound,
and slowly they all went away,
but for how long?-
till another comes along.

I looked at the sky,
and feel the breeze,
I thought to myself,
I could care less,
I'll let Him be my healer,
and laced my hands together,
as I looked at the clear blue sky.